I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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