I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
