Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
