the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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