ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He did a backflip because drugs
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
