oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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