Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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