At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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