At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
