Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
