i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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