Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
