I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize