he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
