so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
