did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize