he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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