ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
