I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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