3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize