I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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