shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Found your dick twin last night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
