i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
