Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
