I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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