remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize