There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
