Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
