I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
