I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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