New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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