Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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