**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
