I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize