So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
