My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
