the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
