3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
