a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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