Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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