this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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