just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You are a booty call, not a friend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
