I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
