Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
