I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
birth control should be required to get into college
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
