Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
