I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
