i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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