Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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