Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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