A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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