You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
