i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
