I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize