Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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