So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am spending my child support on dildos
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
