NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
