I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
