Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
