Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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