I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize