so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love having hate sex.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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