Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
