First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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