I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
