Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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