I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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