she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my mouth tastes like poor choices
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
