I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
