Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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