Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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