I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
