One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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