like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
