I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
