I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Mom said you looked used
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
