apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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