Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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