Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize