We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
