I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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