and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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