why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
