the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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