So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize