Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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