I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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