I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
