I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
