hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Please don't give away my fajitas
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