so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
