Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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