my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
