scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Congratulations! We have a period
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
