You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need a beard to bite.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
