i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
