i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
bring money and cleavage
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
