I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
