I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
