Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
