once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize