i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
