I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
