Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize