the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
