Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
