I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
