i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
