Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
