The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
