Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
